Holding It Together

How are you holding it together so well? Next to asking how Jack is, this is the most common question that I get when talking to other people about our situation. It is a good question that I am not sure I know how to answer. I would be lying if I didn't say that our situation is far from ideal (it actually really sucks!). I would also be lying if I didn't say that Molly and I have bad days where we don't hold it together very well. But it is true, Molly and I have been able to hold it together pretty well. This has led me to think what has made it possible for us to remain positive (and even happy) when dealt a situation that really sucks. So, here we go, how are Molly and I holding it together so well?

I first attribute our good attitude with a conversation that happened in the first few days that we were in hospital trying to keep Jack inside Molly's belly. It had been a stressful few days to say the least. For me, I would say that those were the hardest two days that have come so far. I was mess. I was scared, confused, worried, sad, and quite honestly a little depressed that such a happy trip had taken such a tragic turn. Molly and I were alone in her room and we started to talk about what we were going to do. During this conversation, Molly and I went to our religious roots and decided that our firm beliefs were going to be the rock that got us through this.

Molly and I are Mormons which means that we have a strong belief in Jesus Christ and that we believe we have a purpose during this life and that God won't give us challenges too big to overcome if you turn to Him for help. If you think about it, that is quite the belief to own up to. That means that if Jack doesn't make it that we believe the challenge isn't too big to overcome. That means if Jack has developmental problems the challenge isn't too big to overcome. That means if Jack makes it unscathed and perfect then the challenge isn't too big to overcome. It means that no matter what happens for good or for bad, we believe that with God's help we will make it through and learn from it. Pretty scary, right? Well, this was the conversation that we had those first few nights as we began this journey into the unknown. We decided those nights that these really were our beliefs, so no matter what, we were going to be OK.

Second, I attribute our good attitude with prayer. Logically, I was in a good place accepting that no matter what happened it would be for my good, but sometimes logic doesn't help emotion. Just because I believe things will turn out for my own good doesn't mean that I am OK with it. Furthermore, I believe that the only person who truly knew how I was feeling was Jesus Christ. I believe that the Atonement was not only a time that Christ suffered for our sins, but also a time that he felt all the pains, illnesses, and afflictions of the world. In other words, I believe that Christ was the one person who knew exactly how I was feeling. After Molly and I had the tough conversation described above, we turned to prayer in order to better control our emotions and apply the Atonement in our lives. Prayer is an interesting thing to me because I often confuse prayer as a time that I get to list of the things I want from God and because He loves me I will get them all. I am learning that prayer is more about emotion, communication, and feeling than anything else. In other words, I believe that prayer is a way for us to apply to Atonement of Jesus Christ in our lives. I can't say I know how it all works, but I do know that in prayer I have felt the comfort of a Savior who knows exactly how I feel and this comfort has been instrumental in my positive attitude.  

Third, I attribute our good attitude to loving strangers, friends, and family. I am humbled by the amount of love and support Molly and I have receive. People have given in many different ways. Some have given money, others have given prayers/thoughts, some have served as shoulders to cry on, others have given food, some are house sitting our house, and some have even given us their homes, but I am grateful for all the ways anyone has given. It seems that whenever I have the chance to start feeling sorry for myself and my situation someone else does some random act of kindness that reminds me I am going to be OK. I send my sincere gratitude to everyone's love and support and I ask that you continue to send your support in whatever way you can.

Finally, I attribute our good attitude with my job situation. I work at a company called O.C. Tanner and I think I will be forever in their debt. Second to worrying about my family I was worried about my job and providing for my family. How was going to choose between staying here in Virginia with my family and keeping my job in Utah? I am so grateful that I will not have to make that decision as O.C. Tanner has made it possible for me to work remotely and stay with my family. What a relief to have the support of a great company.

Overall, if I had to sum up how we are holding it all together so well in one sentence I would say, "We are choosing to be happy." Life will have its ups and life will have its downs, but ultimately we are the only ones who can decide how we will react to life. I have found that my path to happiness includes religion, prayer, family/friends, and a good work situation; however, even with these things, at some point I had to choose to be happy with my circumstances. A lot of time being angry and feeling sorry for yourself is easier; however, choosing to have a positive attitude frees you to live life to the fullest and see all the people who love you.


As unexpectedly living across the country with a baby in the NICU has its fair share of financial implications a fund has been set up to help us with medical, living, and transportation expenses. Any gift is very appreciated, but don't feel obligated to give; however, do feel obligated to pray for us and/or send positive thoughts our way.